


Soap Note

by orphan_account



Category: Death Note
Genre: Angst, Bacon, Cannibalism, Creepy, Fight Club - Freeform, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Misunderstandings, making people into soap, nate jennifer river, psoriasis, tobey maguire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 07:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1638638
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikami's stalker finds Mikami dead so she takes him home, makes him into a soap and sends it to Raito to freak him out. Raito sends it to Near, hoping to aggravate poor Near's skin condition. Near desperately hopes his soap gift is from Mello. He misses Mello so~</p><p>AU: mello and raito are alive</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. love and liposuction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soap directions/How to use:  
> Step 1: rub him against your body  
> Step 2: wash him off with hot water  
> Step 3: forget you ever used him

"Mikami, my love," said the girl to the corpse in a crying-whisper, the same tone of admiration in her voice for Mikami as Mikami had had for Kami-Raito. "Now that you are dead, you are mine forever. I will never let you go. I promise." The girl was called Magu and had been in love with Mikami for a year, since that fateful day she noticed him exercising at the gym she worked at (he was doing squats in the yoga corner) and realised he was The One. One day she had put a minuscule indestructible GPS tracking device into an avocado and given it to him to eat. "Avocados contain omega 19," she had said, handing him the avocado and bowing, her work uniform showing off her nice legs. Due to his raging homosexuality, Mikami didn't notice her nice legs. He ate the avocado though. Then he lifted some weights, his face calm and cool even during strenuous exercise, and she swooned.  
And now her dear love would sleep forever. Fortunately, due to the GPS, she had been able to find him, and now she carried him home to her apartment in her arms, through grassy shortcuts and choked-back sobs and chest wounds trickling blood, through pouring rain and shoulder strain and heart pain, and laid him on her queen size bed. The bedspread was printed with a grainy pixelated photograph of Mikami adjusting his glasses, that she had taken from behind a tree while following him down the street a couple of months back.  
"Darling," she said, as Mikami flopped, his head lolling awkwardly across the picture of his own face. "I won't be long." And she went to fetch her liposuction machine.  
"Shame you always ate so much lettuce," she said to the cadaver, remembering fondly how roughly every second time she'd seen Mikami he had been munching on a lettuce. "If only you'd eaten more pastries, this would be easier, and much more satisfying…" She connected the liposuction machine to his slim leg and turned it on. SHWWP it went, sucking all the fat out. There wasn't very much. Oh well, she thought, proceeding to attach it to various other body parts in order to find more fat.  
"Penis!" she exclaimed suddenly, remembering male anatomy. She removed Mikami's pants and boxers and found it. But unfortunately the liposuction machine would not attach - the penis was just too small. Magu sighed.  
"I still love you," she said, "Size doesn't matter." But actually, size does matter. When it comes down to it, you just can't make very much soap out of a skinny person.  
Nevertheless, she gave it a good go. SHWWP SHWWP SHWWWWWP.  
When the small malformed bar of soap was made, she etched a cartoon drawing of Mikami into it. "Now you are soap," she declared. "Soap AND human, at the same time." She glanced at the dead body, satisfied with her soap Mikami and her human Mikami. Next she got her notebook out, ripped a page off and wrote some directions for the soap. These were very important. She then placed it in a cute box with a red ribbon and stuck a label on it.  
"Yagami Raito," she printed neatly on the sticky label, hoping the mail would find its way to Yagami Raito-Kira, the one who had used her Mikami. Used him for evil. Never truly loved him. And ultimately caused his death. She seethed.  
'I hope this really freaks him out,' she thought, looking for a stamp. 

\----

Directions/How to use:  
Step 1: rub him against your body  
Step 2: wash him off with hot water  
Step 3: forget you ever used him 

P.S I hope you rot in hell 

\----

"From the post office?" said Raito to the mail boy at his door. Raito was a modern cool bean, and did his best to only associate with other modern cool beans. The only people that posted him things were creepy stalkers.  
"Special express delivery."  
Raito sighed and accepted it. He took it to the lounge room, untied the red ribbon and opened the box.  
"Another soap," he noted blandly, not even noticing the "how to use" note or the cartoon of Mikami. Raito had pretty much forgotten what Mikami looked like anyway. He'd almost forgotten who Mikami was, except for very vague memories of having hotel sex with him a few times, and also watching him die.  
"Great. And I can't even use it because soap dries my skin out." Raito had psoriasis. Incidentally, it was Near who had diagnosed him...  
He hadn't asked Near's advice, Near had just stood too close to him in an elevator a couple weeks ago and stared at his scaly red elbow and said, "you have psoriasis."  
"How do you know?" snapped Raito, who had spent the morning furiously moisturising his elbow to no avail. He was going to add "you're not a dermatologist," but what if Near was a dermatologist? Near was all sorts of things.  
"Because I have psoriasis also," said Near.  
……………………………………  
"I will send the soap to Near," decided Raito. He wanted to aggravate Near's skin condition. He wanted Near to have a rash. He wanted Near to itch. MWA HA HA. He wrote a small note in his infuriatingly neat handwriting saying, "moisturising lotion bar, does not contain soap", put it in the box with the soap, cackled briefly, and tied the red ribbon back up.  
"Send this to Near," he said to his personal assistant.


	2. lamington vomit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Near receives the soap. It hurts, it hurts him so much - but not on his skin... in his heart.  
> "Oh Mello..."

"You have mail," said Gevanni to Near. Gevanni had spent the morning sorting out Near's mail. There was a letter badly disguised as being from 'Sunshine Bank', probably death threats from a Kira supporter or something, that Gevanni discarded without reading. There were no letters from Melanie aka "Mels", Near's creepy ex girlfriend, this time, thank goodness. She seemed to have stopped writing to him. There was a coupon for bowling (Near didn't bowl), and an advertisement for a new sushi place (Near didn't eat sushi). And finally there was a box with a soap in it, the only thing that passed the Gevanni test. Must be from Near's nan, thought Gevanni, who didn't know that Near had invented his nan. Near had no nan; he had no family at all.  
"Mail?" Near hated himself for it but he couldn't help but hope that the mail was a letter from… from…  
"A box. We checked it in case it was a bomb, but it was just a gift."  
"Please don't go through my mail," said Near, wondering if the gift was from Mello like he'd so desperately hoped, or if, as he feared was the case, Mello had truly forgotten about him. Didn't love him anymore. Never wanted to see him again. This thought made him so anxious that his stomach started to hurt, and he put down his lamington.  
Near opened the box and looked at the - the soap. It was a soap. With some kind of cartoon on it of what appeared to be a good-looking man with longish hair. 'Would Mello etch a picture of himself into a soap and send it to me?'  
"I can't use soap," said Near, studying the picture. "I have psoriasis." 'Mello knows I have psoriasis,' thought Near sadly. 'He would never send me soap.'  
"It came with a note," said Gevanni, pointing out the note. Near glanced at it. 'Does not contain soap.'  
"Oh my god." Near picked up the box and ran to the bathroom.  
Once in the bathroom Near immediately vomited up his milky breakfast.  
"BLERUGHG." Mushy semi-digested cereal and bits of lamington coconut dripped down his chin. Rinsing his mouth with water and staring at his pale face in the mirror, Near was too overcome with emotion to think straight. Mellomellomellomellomello went his brain. He opened the box again.  
"There is another note," he noted. "Mello has written another note. How to use…" He read the instructions. And they stabbed him in the heart.  
Near slid down the wall, reading them over and over, feeling like he wanted to vomit again though there was nothing left in his stomach.  
Step 1: rub him against your body. He thought of all those nights, those cold broken nights. Him and Mello warming each other up, touching each other, skin against skin, whispering urgent confessions of love. Mello stroking Near's hair, his eyes melting with affection when Near snuggled up to him, and burning with desire as their forbidden love was consummated over and over again.  
Step 2: wash him off with hot water. "Oh Mello... I should have said something," whispered Near to himself, the guilt eating him up inside. His hands shook so much he dropped the note for a second. "I should have told him I loved him. I should have run after him. I should have promised to stay, always. Mello…"  
Step 3: forget you ever used him. "I didn't use you, Mello," he said to no one. "I loved you. I… love you." Then the P.S.  
I hope you rot in hell. The cruel words were it; they destroyed him. It was worse than he had expected - Mello hadn't forgotten him. Mello hated him, hadn't forgiven him. Wanted him to die. Near couldn't take this. "I love you," he said again, putting the box down gently and reaching into the bathroom cabinet for a razor blade. 

\----

A month ago…  
"You're so cute," Mello said, smiling, fluffing up the pillow behind him and laying back on it. "Come here."  
Near curled up to Mello and made a sweet noise. It was four in the morning. They'd spent the last three hours having vigorous sex, and Near was very tired.  
"I love you Mero."  
"I love you too Nya."  
"Nya? That's not my-"  
"Nya~"  
Mello stroked Near's hair and held him and they cuddled until the sun came up.  
When the sun came up, Near, who hadn't had any sleep, started to feel sick and anxious.  
Nervously he scratched his arm, which was itchy and hurt due to psoriasis.  
"I don't think we can keep doing this," said Near slowly, looking up at his loverboy's pretty face, high cheekbones and piercing blue eyes.  
"Doing what?"  
"Meeting like this, it's dangerous. And those letters you send me, Gevanni reads them. He thinks they're from my ex girlfriend."  
"You don't have an ex girlfriend."  
"Her name is Melanie."  
"What?"  
"It's all very well writing the locations and times for us to meet in a code that only I can read, but you keep signing your name at the end." Mels.  
"Oh… I'll try a new method. I'll pretend they're from the bank! I'll get those envelopes with the little windows." Mello had never received a letter from the bank in his life. He didn't know what he was talking about.  
"Well, you could try..."  
"Fine. No more letters."  
"It's not just that…"  
"No?"  
"I'm watched all the time now. I'm L."  
"Yes, you are, aren't you? I wouldn't know what that's like." Bitterness tinged his words and he rolled over out of Near's arms.  
"I didn't mean…" 'Come back!' Near wanted to say. 'Come back and cuddle me. Don't be angry.'  
"It's fine, I get it." Mello sighed. There was a long silence, so empty it hurt. And finally Mello said, "OK. I'll go. I won't bother you anymore."  
Near was taken aback. That wasn't what he'd meant. He didn't want Mello to go. He just wanted them to figure out some way to… some way to be together that wasn't so risky, and difficult.  
"Go where?" he said stupidly.  
"Why do you care?" Mello said, venom in his voice, getting up from the bed and sitting on the edge with his head down. He had no bag, no gun, no Near, nothing to take with him. He pulled his Tshirt over his head, put his boots on and walked to the door. He had no time for arguing or crying or pleading. He had known Near was going to do this, and he didn't want to deal with it right now. He'd figure things out later… he'd come back to Near, of course. He'd figure out a way for him and Near to be together. He loved him more than life. But right now he just needed to go home and cry and eat a block of chocolate and punch someone in the face and forget about Near for a little while.  
'This is it?' Near thought incredulously. 'This is the end? What have I done…'  
"Don't go," he said weakly from the bed.  
"Don't go?"  
"I mean… Mello, I just, I still…" still…  
"I love you, Near," Mello said, sad to be leaving, even if it wasn't for long. There was a pause. Near knew it was his turn. But he said nothing. His brain was stuck, his tongue was stuck. He wanted to leap onto Mello and cling to him and beg him not to go.  
"Near?" Mello was giving him a chance. 'Now you say, I love you too.' He tried to convey this message to Near telepathically, and also through his body language, but it didn't seem to be getting through.  
"Yes," said Near.  
"Yes what?" Angry hurt started to well up inside Mello.  
"Uh...ye-"  
"No, you know what Near?" he shouted. "Fuck you. Don't try to contact me." He slammed the door, immediately regretting his harsh words but unable to take them back. On the way home he went to the post office and bought some envelopes with little windows in them.  
He missed Near already.  
"Three weeks," he said quietly, determinedly, staring at the pavement. "Three weeks and I'll come back, Near. I'll make it up. I'll figure something out."  
Near, meanwhile, lay back on his bed, hugged Mello's pillow to his chest and cried himself to sleep. 

\----

To: Nate River  
This envelope contains your bank statements August - May of this financial year  
Return address: Sunshine Bank, Tokyo-shi, Tokyo, Japan 

Nate Jennifer River  
Withdrawals:  
-  
Deposits:  
-  
Balance:  
$929838848848433

 

*mysterious looking attached flap*  
This flap is for bank use only. Do not open. 

Near  
It's me, Mello. How are you? I don't like not knowing. As for me, things are not going well. I managed to get Matt killed and about 30 people want me dead. And I keep running out of chocolate. But none of that matters. I need to know -  
Do you want to see me again? I still love you Near, and I'm pretty sure you love me too. I'm sorry for leaving. I'll come back. I'll find a way for us.  
Mels


	3. fatally itchy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magu and Mikami watch Spiderman together.  
> Near wakes up in hospital and finds Mello has been hiding under his hospital bed.

Magu climbed on top of Mikami with her knees either side of his hips. She collapsed over him, sobbing. It hurt so much.  
"You're it," she said, gently moving his dark hair out of his closed eyes with her fingertips. "You always were."  
There was an extended silence.  
"Hey. Let's watch something together," suggested Magu, wiping tears from her eyes, trying to cheer herself up, looking through her DVD collection in the cabinet next to her bed.  
"Have you seen Spiderman? The Tobey Maguire one?"  
Mikami didn't answer.  
"It's better than the Andrew Garfield one." She propped Mikami's head up on some pillows and put the DVD in the player. Then she wrote a to do list in her head.  
To do:  
Watch Spiderman with Mikami  
Look for more fat on Mikami  
Make dinner  
Shave legs for Mikami  
Bedtime medication  
Sleep with Mikami 

\----

"Where's Near?" said Mello, who had burst into SPK HQ in his sexy leather outfit with his gun to 'confront' Near. It had only been a few days since he'd sent the letter, and of course he hardly expected Near to have already written and posted a response, but he just couldn't wait any longer. He needed to see his Near. He LURVED his Near.  
"You won't find him here," said Gevanni coldly. "Near is very sick."  
"Sick where?"  
"In hospital."  
"Which hospital?"  
"Mello, I think you should leave."  
"Nevermind." There was only one hospital anywhere near SPK HQ. Mello got on his motorbike and motorbiked straight to it. VVRRRRMMM.

"Is Nate River here?" he said to the hospital clerk who looked like Christian Bale.  
"Hold on just a second. Yep, Room 304. What relation are you?"  
"Huh? Oh. Boyfriend." Nice, thought Christian Bale, impressed that the little albino kid with the bandaged wrists had such a hot boyfriend.  
Mello got the elevator to room 304 and saw Near asleep on the white hospital bed with tubes and cords coming out of him, arms bandaged up for some reason. He looked deathly pale. As always. Mello was so pleased to see him he almost ran over and collapsed onto him. Then two people came into the room. Mello ducked under Near's bed and hid.  
"He's asleep right now," said the nurse. "Fortunately he won't need a blood transfusion, but he'll need to rest for a few days, and be monitored. We'll keep him here for a week."  
"A week," repeated Halle, sounding emotional.  
'A blood transfusion?' thought Mello. 'What the heck happened to him?'  
"I don't get it…" said Halle. "Why would he try to kill himself? I just… don't understand."  
Mello's heart lurched. He felt sick. 'Oh, Near…' 

Near woke up and one of the machines went ding!  
Mello, who'd spent a fair amount of time in hospital himself, knew the ding! meant 'patient has woken up.' He appeared from under the bed, glanced around to make sure no one else was around, stood up, and leant over Near.  
"Near."  
WHAAAAAATISHEDOINGHERE mellomellomellononononono Near started to freak out. His heart monitor beeped frantically. 'I sincerely hope Mello has come to kill me,' he thought.  
"You're alive," breathed Mello.  
"I suppose I am," said Near, swallowing, waiting for the blow. The blow didn't come, and Mello sat down gently on the bed. He knew if he said anything else - or even asked - about Near's suicide attempt, he would burst into tears, so he left it at just looking into Near's eyes meaningfully. He'd find everything out, in due time. 'I'm here for you, Near,' he said with his eyes. 'I always will be.' He squeezed Near's hand. Near flinched, terrified.  
"Did you get the thing I sent you?" Mello said nervously.  
"Yes," he said shakily. "I got it, Mello, that's why I'm here."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I was planning to actually die, not end up in hospital. I was going to rot in hell, like you told me to."  
"What are you talking about? I didn't say anything like that! Didn't you get my letter?"  
"Letter?"  
"Yeah. If I'd phoned you someone would have tapped it, of course, because I'm me, and you're you. But I thought a letter might get through. I got one of those little envelopes with the windows on them, like I said I would. I wrote 'Sunshine Bank' on it. Your middle name is Jennifer, right? Or is it Jane?" Uh. What. Near was so confused. What did his middle name have to do with anything? What was this about a letter? Was he dreaming? He wanted to pinch himself but his left hand was full of needles and IV drips and his right hand was being stroked by Mello.  
"What about the soap?" he said weakly, his head going thunkdunkspin with thoughts.  
"What soap? Is that a euphemism?" Mello raised an eyebrow.  
"Didn't you send me soap? With a note attached?"  
"Um, no. I wouldn't send you soap, it's bad for your skin, remember? I sent you a letter," he insisted.  
"A letter? What… what did it say?"  
"It said, Dear Near. Sorry for leaving. And then some other stuff. I asked how you were, and if you wanted to see me again."  
"…" Near's head hurt.  
"So… did you want to see me again?" asked Mello, dropping Near's hand suddenly, his face falling. "Do you want me to leave?"  
Near took a deep breath and opened his mouth and his eyes filled with tears.  
"NO! Mello, I never wanted you to leave. DO NOT LEAVE. Stay. Here. Come here." He grabbed Mello's wrist, pulled him down on top of him, and squished their faces together into a passionate kiss. Their lips pressed together for the first time in a while and their tongues met and their hearts connected and Mello moaned, happy happy happy happy happy. When they finally broke apart they were both crying a little bit. Mello smiled, and for a moment Near smiled as well but then he seemed to remember something and a mad look appeared in his eyes. Like a wild animal with rabies.  
"You okay, Near?"  
"No."  
"What's th-"  
"If it wasn't you… then WHO THE FUCK SENT ME THE SOAP???!"  
"Why are you so upset about the soap?" Mello was kind of insulted that Near was more interested in who had sent him some soap than the love of his life coming back to him.  
"I wanted to die, Mello," Near said faintly. Mello felt sick again.  
"Why?"  
"It hurt so much… someone sent me a soap, with a note attached, and it…"  
"What did it say?" Mello said in a low tone. Someone sent Near a soap that made him suicidal? Mello would hunt them down, and kill them. With a machete. And a brick. And a screwdriver. And a soap.  
"Well… some things that I… that made me really sad. It was horrible… I thought it was from you~" Near wailed.  
"I didn't send you any soap, Near, I swear."  
"Aahh~" Near pulled Mello closer to him, wrapped his arms around him, wrapped his legs around him, pressed the increase-morphine button six times consecutively and passed out. 

When Near woke up Mello wasn't there (He was in the waiting room, delirious in love, plotting the murder of the soap sender, smiling into his chocolate coffee, having been reassured by the doctor that Near would not die of blood loss or morphine overdose and in fact would get better very soon).  
And Raito was there, beside Near's bed, awkwardly holding a bunch of flowers. 

"Hello Near," said Raito, who felt he should visit the hospitalised Near out of politeness, or respect, or something. He didn't know why Near was in hospital, and he didn't really care. "How are you?"  
"Alive."  
"Great. How's your skin?"  
"What? You mean my wrists?"  
"Something wrong with your wrists? Are they itchy at all?"  
"I slashed them with a razor blade."  
"What, seriously?" Raito took a step back and dropped his flowers. "Wow… They must have been really itchy."  
"… yes. So itchy I slashed them with a razor blade and nearly died."  
'He genuinely doesn't know why I'm in hospital,' Near realised. 'He didn't even bother to ask anybody.'  
"You nearly died?" Raito looked horrified. "I'm sorry Near!" he said, very distressed all of a sudden. "I sent you that soap. It was just - just a joke. I didn't mean any harm, I swear. I didn't realise it'd make you THAT itchy. I mean, fatally itchy."  
"What."  
"I really didn't think it would be that bad… how bad is your psoriasis anyway? Pretty bad, huh? Maybe you should see someone about it…"  
"You sent me that soap," Near said flatly. "And the note. You wrote the note."  
"What note?"  
"The NOTE."  
"I didn't even know there was a note... some creepy stalker sent me a box with soap in it and I remembered that you had psoriasis so I sent it on to you…"  
Suddenly everything made sense. Well, mostly. The soap was never meant for Near. It was meant for Raito. Near got up from his bed and walked over to Raito.  
"You okay, Near?"  
Near raised his knee, kicked Raito in the face. Raito fell and hit his head against a beeping machine, making it beep faster.  
"Owwww~"  
Near went to the waiting room and found Mello.  
"I love you, Mello," he said and burst into tears and fell into Mello's arms.  
"Oh, Near." Mello held him, squeezed him, whispered in his ear,  
"I love you too."


	4. Where L?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magu cooks herself some bacon.  
> Raito misses L.  
> Gevanni adores the soap.  
> Near and Mello decide to go to - ???

Tobey Maguire was crying, Magu's cat was frightened of the liposuction machine and Mikami was dead. Magu, however, was overjoyed - she had found a rich deposit of fat inside Mikami's left ear. A squishy lard pouch. "How come this didn't block his ear canal?" she wondered.  
She efficiently transferred the fat from the liposuction machine into her now-dead brother's old hypodermic heroin syringe. She caught sight of herself in the mirror, her tired eyes, blotchy skin, thin lips.  
"My lips are so thin," she sighed, wishing she could somehow inject Mikami's fat into them and make them big and plump. Wait… she could! She would! She pressed the needle to her mouth. It prodded sharply.  
"Here goes," she said, stabbing it into her bottom lip. Magu winced as a bit of blood came out. Fearlessly, she pushed on the syringe and waited for her lips to become big and beautiful and full of Mikami.  
SHRP~ the fat made itself into a bubble inside her lip and bulged. Uh. Not sexy. It looked like a massive coldsore. Magu screamed in frustration and threw the syringe across the room where it stuck into Mikami's forehead, then fell out.  
"Fuck that. I'm hungry." She decided to make herself bacon and eggs. She picked up the syringe full of Mikami-blubber and left the room. 

10 minutes later…  
Sizzle sizzle! sizzled the bacon, writhing around in Mikami's fat as it cooked. Magu cracked an egg into the frypan, and while she waited for her dinner to be ready she went to her computer to google something.  
"How to have sex with corpse". 3448575930100000 results. She smiled. 

\----

"I miss L," said Raito slowly to the beeping machine (that Near had pushed him into) and had by coincidence hit him in a certain special place on his head and damaged his brain, making him permanently stupid.  
"Where's my moisturisers?" he said. The machine beeped. "I need moisture in my elbow or it will crack and fall off. MACHINE." The machine beeped. A nurse walked in.  
"Are you lost?" she said to Raito, who was standing up and leaning against the machine as if trying to subtly meanly push it over.  
"Where's my moisturisers?" said Raito. "Where's L? L gone?"  
The nurse took his hand and walked him to the psych ward.  
"I think you're in the right place now, hon," she said. Without being asked who he was or what was wrong with him, Raito was given a bed in a room with three bipolar teenagers. One of them hugged him so hard he stopped breathing for a while. One of them cried and cried and cried and Raito thought his head was gonna explode.  
"I don't like it here," he said to nobody. "Where L?" He started to cry.  
"Where L?" 

\----

Gevanni picked up the human fat soap and sniffed it. Both of the notes had been drowned in Near's blood but the box and soap were still intact.  
"Wow… smells delicious!" said Gevanni, who would later become a cannibal serial killer and be captured and jailed and die in jail and go to hell and rot. He pocketed the soap.  
Later that evening, Gevanni went home and took a shower. He rubbed the Mikami soap against his body sensually and washed it off with hot water. Just as he was about to get out of the shower a massive spider jumped off the shower curtain rail onto Gevanni's arm. He freaked out and slipped over and hit his head against a tap. When Gevanni woke up, he had amnesia. He forgot who he was, where he lived, what he did for a living. He forgot about Near. He forgot that it was socially unacceptable to eat other people. And, of course, he forgot about the soap. 

\----

Directions/How to use:  
Step 1: rub him against your body  
Step 2: wash him off with hot water  
Step 3: forget you ever used him 

P.S I hope you rot in hell 

\----

"What did the note say anyway, Near? The soap instructions I mean."  
Mello and Near were sitting in a sunny cafe by the beach. Mello was drinking iced chocolate and Near was playing with his smoothie straw.  
"I don't really want to talk about it."  
"Okay. When you're ready," Mello said gently. 

Mello was happy; things were going well. He and Near had found a way to be together without anyone finding out. How? Whenever they met up, Mello would wear a big purple wig, dangly earrings and a long skirt with sequins on it. "I'm going to see my aunty," Near would say excitedly when it was almost time to meet Mello. "In a love hotel?" Halle would ask, eyebrows raised. "...Yes."  
Near was happy too, in a quiet smily way. His wrists were healing up, his eyes were brighter, sometimes he ate food. 

"Mello, can we go to Canada?" Near asked. Mello almost dropped his chocolate. Canada?  
"If you want," he said, adjusting his purple wig. He'd do anything for his Near… "Aren't you L though? You have a lot of responsibilities here."  
"Yeah but… I wanna go to Canada. I wanna live with you on a snowy mountain." Near smiled dreamily and put his hand over Mello's.  
"Forever? Are you sure?"  
"Forever," said Near. They looked into each other's eyes.  
"Forever it is."


End file.
